You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
