Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A+ Viking dick
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