it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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