Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
