I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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