Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
