Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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