Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
