he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
