I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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