so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
