Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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