I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
