we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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