i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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