I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
