you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
