how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
