You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
