Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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