The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
