belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
