Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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