His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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