I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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