i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We had to coat check the pizza.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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