I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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