you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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