the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
