I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
