White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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