it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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