shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
