I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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