when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
