i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My ass is underappreciated
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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