i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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