for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
