That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
