You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
