Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
