Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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