My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
