I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
