So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
