butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
