I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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