i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ttyl tear gas
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
