i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
