I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
