if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
