literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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