i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
