just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
