Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
