I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
