Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
