The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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