How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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