Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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