Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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