JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
