the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
