She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
