3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
