Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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