At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
