I think I died a long time ago.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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