I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm too high and old for this...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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