so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
