smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am puke
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
