Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Houston, we have a squirter
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
