Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
