She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
