its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
