By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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