Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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